Thomas Crapper's Incredible Time Machine

So what can a toilet tell us about history? Well, quite a lot actually.

We're in the middle of renovating a powder room in a part of our house that has seen just a few cosmetic changes over the years, but no major do-over. The sink and toilet are original pieces, installed when the house was built in 1960. In general, switching out a toilet is pretty far down the list of home improvement projects. It can be a delicate and messy procedure. Which accounts for why Thomas Crapper's innovation tends to stick around for a lot of years.

This got me to thinking how much the world has changed since that once stylish lime yellow bowl was bolted to the floor. For example:

In 1960 Canada's Prime Minister was John Diefenbaker. He was a conservative politician from western Canada, although he was born in Southern Ontario. His first mandate as Prime Minister began in 1957 with a minority government. His party was able to achieve majority status a year later.

Canada's current Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, is a conservative politician who was born in Toronto but later moved to Calgary, Alberta where he began his political career. Harper still presides over a minority parliament.

Early in 1960 a young American senator from Massachusetts declared his intention to run for president. Eleven months later Democratic candidate John F. Kennedy would defeat Richard M. Nixon by a narrow margin to become the 35th president of the United States. Kennedy was the the first and only Irish Catholic president.

The current and 44th president of the United States, Barack Obama, is the first African-American president in the country's history. He is also a Democrat.

In 1960 there was no such thing as a home computer, although a number of IBM's mainframes were being integrated into the accounting departments of large companies.

Today, hand-held devices such as the Blackberry and iPhone can store virtually a million times the amount of data and process highly complex formulas in a fraction of a second.

In 1960 nobody had landed on the moon yet, we hadn't even thought of it. NASA's greatest achievement at the time was launching a monkey into orbit.

Today NASA is on the verge of mothballing its shuttle program. Despite remarkable achievements in satellite technology, orbiting science stations and landing robotic vehicles on Mars, we have not been back to the moon in 38 years.

In 1960 nobody had heard of The Beatles. Chubby Checker ruled the charts with his dance sensation The Twist.

In 2010 nobody could forget about the incredible success of The Beatles. That said, Chubby Checker still performs live, and his song The Twist has been named the greatest hit of all time by Billboard Magazine.

In the 1960 Winter Olympic Games held in Squaw Valley, California, the gold medal for hockey went to the USA. Canada took silver. The medals were determined based on a points system, which meant Canada and the USA did not play one another for the medal. American hockey historians refer to this as the Forgotten Miracle.

In the 2010 Winter Olympic games held in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada and the USA met in the final match of the hockey tournament to determine the gold medal winner. I think you can remember how that ended, and it was unforgettable.

In 1960 the Montreal Canadiens swept the Chicago Black Hawks on their way to becoming Stanley Cup Champions (they swept the Leafs to win it).

In 2010 the miracle Montreal Canadiens fell short of qualifying for the Stanley Cup finals. The coveted trophy eventually went to (wait for it) the Chicago Black Hawks.

It seems that as much as our world has changed over the decades, in some way it is very much the same. Something to ponder next time you're on the throne.

The Friday Time Waster Supreme: Dog Day Afternoon Edition

Happy Friday everybody, I hope you survived the week. If you're just hanging on by your fingernails 'til you punch the clock, let me fill your time with some mindless drivel to get you through. Then you'll have something to discuss later at the pub.


You've probably heard  about former JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater: the guy who quit his job by announcing said career move via a profanity laced on-board intercom rant, grabbing a beer from the beverage cart and exiting the aircraft via an emergency chute. The tirade was triggered by a passenger smacking him in the head with a piece of luggage. Thanks to Facebook, Twitter and every other form of social networking he's become something of a folk hero. I don't know about that. Granted there is no pleasure in being whacked in the noggin' with a carry on bag, but considering the times we live in, should we be celebrating airline employees who snap like a twig under pressure?

* * *

Speaking of social networking, you might know Mark Zuckerberg, but do you also know Eduardo Saverin , Dustin Moskovitz, Andrew McCollum and Chris Hughes? Well, they are all compliant in creation of Facebook, although Zuckerberg gets lion's share of the credit. You should know this because there is this movie called The Social Network, coming to a multiplex near you, all about the aforementioned internet phenomena.

Do we really need a movie about a bazillionaire with one good idea and great timing? I don't know about you, but my mouse pointer is hovering over the 'unlike' button.

* * *

Speaking of movies I won't be seeing, Eat Pray Love stars relationship-challenged Julia Roberts in a flic based on the book by Elizbeth Gilbert. For all you guys out there, its all about a woman who jets off to Italy, India and Indonesia to find herself. And you wonder why developing nations can't stand western civilization. Ya, I get it, it's romantic and all, but I figure you could save a snot load of cash and significantly reduce your carbon footprint by just looking in the mirror. 'Oh, there I am.'

* * *
Speaking of losing touch with reality, Dina Lohan recently referred to the judge in her daughter Lindsay's legal fracas as "reclusive." She blamed the legal system for her daughter's suffering and claimed that the court was playing hardball, using her daughter as an example for others. So, let me get this straight, repeatedly violating court orders and ongoing substance abuse is the fault of the system. Just checking. And the mom-of-the year award goes to...

* * *

Let me talk instead about really great moms. Specifically my mom-in-law who celebrates her birthday today (it's a milestone one, but I won't reveal the number). She's an amazing lady with a wonderful heart and a fantastic sense of humour. Happy Birthday Chris! Love ya.


Have a great weekend everyone.

Renovation Revolution

Recently I was on the receiving end of a strange compliment. I was discussing a home renovation project I had got myself into when a colleague commented that I was "among the last of a dying breed."

It was enough to stop me in my tracks and frown. Dying breed? Me?

To clarify, she informed me that among her generation (that is younger than my own) there were fewer and fewer men who considered themselves a handyman.

 I guess I do know my way around basic plumbing, electrical and construction, but I'm no Mike Holmes. Still, it gave me pause to think that an entire generation could be on the verge of missing out on the pure testosterone rush of power tools. How can that be? I always assumed there was an innate connection between male DNA and the sound of a high-speed electric or gas motor.

It seems to me that its mostly men who roam the aisles of Reno Depot, Home Depot or any other depot that sells things that bore, rip and drive. It's usually men who think of shopping at Canadian Tire in much the same way as some women think of a boutique clothing store that I would never walk into because I haven't the first clue about fashion or that bizarre system of woman's clothing sizes which men should never discuss out loud.

Come to think of it though, I have noticed an increase in the number of women frequenting those behemoth renovation centres. In fact, when the Home Depot decided to open a store my neighbourhood, head office made a point of stating that it was intentionally targeting women consumers. They may be on to something.

After all, why should men have all the fun when it comes to demolition and construction? Knocking stuff down and building new stuff is cool. The problem is, building things and fixing things is the one constructive thing that guys can do. It's just like the psychologists say, when it comes to propagating the species, men don't really do any of the heavy lifting. We can't grow a babies so we build office towers instead.

One of the fundamental differences between the sexes is that women heal their pain by sharing their problems with a sympathetic ear; men just want to fix problems.

Then again, maybe all of that is just a myth. My taste for sawdust and rubble has more to do with creativity and aesthetics than a Y chromosome. I suspect that's true of all handy-persons. Why should anyone be denied the sheer pleasure of using a sawsall, hammer drill or ten pound sledge by virtue of their gender?

So listen up, younger generations, get thee hence to a Rona or Home Depot near you. Don't miss out on one of life's truly great gifts: knocking crap down and building something new.

Besides, if you're doing it right, it's not nearly as painful as giving birth.

Y U Love Montreal

My summer vacation is over, but it's still summer and it still feels like vacation. I still feel like I am on holiday, with a desire to explore and discover something unique and new. Which got me to thinking about my hometown as a tourist destination.

Montreal is a popular and perhaps even exotic location where travelers from across the globe come to explore. If you're like me however, you don't really think of your own city in the same way as you might Paris, New York or Hong Kong. Which is odd, because Montreal easily stacks up against many great cities in the world with it's history, fine cuisine, architectural marvels and of course its rich and diverse culture. I must confess that on more than one occasion I learned something I didn't know about Montreal through conversations with someone visiting the city.

With that in mind, I am embarking on a little journey of discovery called Y U Love Montreal (for those of you keeping score at home, YUL is the destination code for Trudeau airport, give yourselves 20 bonus points if you already knew that). The goal is to explore some of the places in my hometown that I have yet to visit or experience.

For example, in a city known for it's eclectic and oft artery-hardening restaurant fare I have never had breakfast at Cosmo's, lunch at Momesso's or dinner at Chalet BBQ. I have yet to see the skyline from Club 737 or stand inside the geodesic dome we now know as the Bioshpere. For shame.

 There's no real reason, or perhaps excuse, for never having ventured into these places other than one part apathy and one part laziness.

So I am donning my cheesiest tourist t-shirt, with notepad in hand, and setting off on a journey of discovery a mere bus and metro ride away.
 
In order to make this a truly interesting experience I am asking for your recommendations. Is there a unique place, activity or restaurant on your list of Montreal's must sees, must dos, or must experience? Keep in mind that virtually all of my 45 years on the planet have been spent as a resident of the GVMA (Greater Ville Marie Area). Which means I have done a lot of the obvious things: The Big Owe Tower, Mount Royal, St. Joseph's Oratory etc.

To simplify things a bit, I am limiting my exploration to the physical island of Montreal, but if you come up with something truly irresistible, I could be coaxed off-shore.

Let the journey begin.

I hope my passport is up to date.

The Friday Time Waster Supreme: Back to the Salt Mines Edition

Fresh off two weeks of summer vacation bliss I'm back to suck up more of your valuable time with another collection of bizarre observations of a bizarre world. Just the tonic to add to your gin for the weekend.

From the theatre of weird connections, Naomi Campbell recently appeared as a witness at a war crimes tribunal for former Liberian president Charles Taylor. Supermodel testimony, interesting concept. I wonder if Gisele Bundchen is available for traffic court?

***

This big bru-ha-ha with RIM's Blackberry security and middle-eastern countries is strangely ironic. Evidently Blackberrys use an encryption system that blocks third parties from hacking messages sent between devices. The Saudi government considers this a security threat because it they cannot monitor conversations among terrorist organizations. They are threatening to block the service. Here's a wacky idea, rather than sitting around monitoring these wild-eyed loons why not kick their arses out of your country?

***

Memo to the Federal Liberal party: the Conservatives are flopping around Ottawa with self-inflicted bullet wounds in their feet and yet you still can't make a dent the polls. Maybe Iggy's cross-Canada bus tour ought to end at the front doors of a leadership convention.

***

As if we needed more evidence that celebs believe any publicity is good publicity: troubled starlet Lindsay Lohan appears in the September issue of the guy-rag Maxim Magazine wearing only black underwear and a SCRAM bracelet. If you hadn't already guessed, SCRAM is an acronym for secure continuous remote alcohol monitor. Nothing says sexy like court-ordered substance abuse monitoring devices. Handcuffs are so passé.

***

And finally some observations from our road trip to P.E.I...

• New Brunswick has some of the best highways in the country, I particularly liked the 110 km/hour speed limit. It comes in handy when you hit that stretch of highway where the rest stops are about 400 km apart.

• Speaking of rest stops, of you're going to build one with a Petro-Canada and a Tim Horton's on a major highway, it might be a good idea to have more than one bathroom. Yes I'm talking to you St. Antonin, Quebec.
   
• Moncton's tourism business might improve significantly if drivers could figure out how to get in and out of the city.
   
• At least once in your life you must drive across Confederation bridge ...'cause it's cool.
   
• I'm old enough to say I've witnessed some pretty amazing technological innovations: home computers, fax machines, cell phones, hi-def television but my favourite gadget has got to be GPS. It's relatively expensive, exceedingly useful and, for anyone who has ever had to plan a long road trip, revolutionary.
   
• Weirdest moment of the trip: running into my ex and her family in Edmundston.
   
• Most memorable new experience: kayaking on the Northumberland strait with my bro.
   
• Coolest moment: watching a shallow trickle of water change direction as the tide shifted from going out to coming back in.

Enjoy your weekend.

Crude Memory

BP announced today it has begun to pump concrete down the gut of it's damaged oil well in an attempt to create a more permanent-semi-permanent-partial-capping...or some similar double-speak. There is room at this point to be optimistic, that is in terms of putting an end to the toxic goo-ooze that started three months ago.

Experts (whoever they might be) are also claiming that at least three-quarters of the oil that flowed into the gulf has either been recovered or dissipated courtesy of BP's secret formula they refer to as 'chemical dispersants.' Something tells me it ain't Dawn dish liquid.

So now what?

It seems to me that optimism is likely to be confined to ending the oil flow, but when it comes to the long-term environmental damage there is good reason to be cynical. The only winner in ending this disaster will be BP oil. I'm almost certain that once they have fulfilled their minimum responsibility, that is shutting down their crude-spewing well, they'll be catching the first flight out of Louisiana.

"Oh, but they should be held accountable," you say.

Sure, but how do you enforce sanctions against an oil giant who can clog up the courts with lawyers for the rest of time...or at least until all the oil runs out?

Have any of us who sat horrified at the devastation of an entire ecosystem learned anything? Does it still makes sense to rely on oil as an energy source? If you're like me, you probably feel more frustrated and helpless than before this crisis began.

As a society we seem to have a short memory when it comes to environmental disasters. Researchers studying the effects of the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill have estimated that the ecosystem may require an additional 30 years to recover. The Niagara river and escarpment, once home to the infamous Love Canal community, is a zone where decades of uncontrolled emissions of toxic pollutants into the water system. In fact much of the Great Lakes water system has been polluted by nearly a century of biological and chemical effluent. Who is paying for that clean-up, and more importantly, how much of this neglect continues today?

BP is just one of many culprits in a long and sad history of profit-driven environmental contempt. Something needs to change before the corporate whitewash spins the gulf oil spill disaster into a gutless marketing campaign. It may not sound like much, but maybe the most fundamental change we can make is to remember. It's rarely easy to forgive, but it's certainly not difficult to forget. Keeping this issue front of mind can go a long way to governing the choices we make as consumers and as voters.

At the very least (with apologies to Roger Daltrey) we won't get fooled again.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation...

It's good to be home after two weeks of summer vacation that covered some serious distance. It was a trip that had all the elements of a good summer flick: action, adventure, spectacular scenery and a great love story. All real and unscripted.

The main event of the trip was the wedding of my brother in-law and his fiancé in Amherst, Nova Scotia. The wedding ceremony took place in a small rural town called Fenwick which is just outside of Amherst.

The wedding was among the most wonderful and joyful I have ever attended. All the elements were there: friends, family, a handsome groom and a beautiful bride. An outdoor ceremony beneath a deep blue sky and flowers on a hand-crafted wooden arch. Yet there was something more. Weddings can sometimes feel a bit impersonal when the ceremony and pomp take centre stage and guests feel a sense of detachment. I felt none of this. This wedding had a genuine feeling of community, welcome, warmth and deep, powerful love. The ceremony was both fun and moving, simple yet profound. It's difficult to pinpoint one thing that made the day so special, but I would venture to say that it was the people themselves. The warmth, generosity and openness of the families made everyone feel welcome. Without a doubt, it was the highlight of our vacation.

The second part of our journey took us to Canada's smallest province, Prince Edward Island. Despite what anyone might tell you, size does not matter. P.E.I. packs more scenery and history into one little island than some of Canada's largest provinces. The island's rolling hills are a patchwork of green and gold fields dotted with barns and Victorian style farmhouses. On a sunny day the contrast of the red soil, emerald fields and the blue ocean are a feast for the eyes. Our chalet was situated on the southern coast of P.E.I. on the Northumberland Strait. When the tide receded it revealed a near half kilometre of rusty red sand bars populated by hermit crabs, tiny fish and sea shells of all shapes and sizes. The sounds and smells of the sea still resonate in my mind.

P.E.I. feels both exotic and familiar. The small farmhouses, churches, villages and wharfs seem to belong to the landscape as if nature had designed their place from the beginning. Then there are the spectacular red sandstone cliffs that rise sharply from the shoreline, a unique and visually stunning feature of the island. (If you were wondering, the secret ingredient that makes the soil so red is iron).

The people of P.E.I. are gentle, kind and welcoming. Coupled with the island's natural beauty, although not as dramatic as British Columbia's mountain coastline, the bright lights of Toronto or Quebec City's historic structures, it is a place that is quietly captivating, inspiring and rejuvenating.

Yes, the corporate tourism machine was hard at work playing up Anne of Green Gables, the birthplace of Confederation and of course the potatoes (sometimes in weird combinations ie: Anne of Green Gables chocolate covered potato chips). I got the impression that most locals quietly tolerated these themes with the full knowledge of the importance of the tourist industry. I suspect many roll their eyes in private every time they hear the words Avonlea and Fathers of Confederation (ironically P.E.I. was the last province to enter confederation, they had once considered joining the United States). Still, it was easy to see that the residents of this island jewel had great pride in their home, one that is clearly justified.

Perhaps the most memorable part of this vacation was not so much an event or a place, but simply having time to be with family, to share stories, laughter and discovery. Vacations have a way of reminding us of the things that are the most important in life, spending time with the people you love and appreciating how the simplest blessings of life are with us every day. We live in a spectacular country, rich in diversity and culture, free of conflict and strife. Sometimes stopping to appreciate these things can do more than recharge our batteries, it can also help us to open our minds to discovery and perhaps grow a little wiser.

Hopefully this feeling will linger for a long time to come.