Hey it's Friday, which means a) you made it through another work week or b) you are a student and this was your last week of freedom. If it's the latter, well in the words of Nelson Muntz: HA-HA! For the rest of us stuck in the coal mines, here's your weekly pant load of absurdity to get the weekend off to a good start.
You probably heard about the tug boat that dragged a barge into an abandoned oil well off the coast of Louisiana causing yet another oil spill. What you probably didn't know is that there are an estimated 27, 000 abandoned oil and natural gas wells in the Gulf of Mexico. That's just the Gulf, I don't have a statistic for the rest of the USA, or Canada, or the world for that matter. Sorry to be a killjoy, but there's just nothing funny about this fact.
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Well, if you thought that was disturbing, here's something that is certain to give one pause. The city of Los Angeles is now facing a new and decidedly volatile threat. No, it's not the discovery of a new geological fault line, or potential mud slide, threat of rampant wildfires or a tsunami.
Ozzy Osbourne got his driver's license.
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It turns out that nobody in Washington is buying Roger Clemens' claim that Andy Pettitte 'misremembered' witnessing him being injected with HGH by former trainer Brian McNamee. In 2008 Clemens testified before a Congressional inquiry that he had never once used steroids during his 24-year professional baseball career. Now he is being charged with obstruction of the U.S. Congress, making false statements and committing perjury.
Not sure what the Rocket has left as a defense except perhaps saying that he 'misspoke because he misrealized Congress miswanted a mishonest answer.'
Say it ain't so, Rog
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Move over Krispy Kreme, there's a new artery-plugging snack in town. You've heard of deep fried Mars bars or maybe deep fried cola, but that's health food compared to the latest craze at Toronto's Canadian National Exhibition: yes kids, it's deep fried butter.
The Sweet Treats concession stand that produces the snack (and I use that term loosely) is trying to top last year's success: chocolate covered bacon. Owner of the stand, Vicky Skinkle (whose name I am not making up), informs us that:
“A lot of people were like ‘Ew, I don't know if I'd like it,' but when you explain it and they actually try it, it's like ‘Wow, who would have thought?' ”
She describes the taste of the meatball-sized grease nugget as salty-sweet, not unlike syrup on bacon.
Donations to the Heart and Stroke foundation can be made at heartandstroke.ca
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Careful what you wear on your next visit to La Ronde. On a recent trip to the park a man by the name of Brunaud Moïse was approached by security who informed him that his shirt was offensive and he would either have to flip it inside out or be removed from the premises. The T-shirt featured an image of Bob Marley created from of a mosaic of marijuana leaves. It seems La Ronde's owner, Six Flags, has this policy against patrons wearing anything deemed by management to be 'not family-friendly.'
Moïse, who is black, said the move was racially motivated, a claim the park rejects because one of the security guards was also black. Frankly, I think it has more to do with minimum-wage rent-a-cops in serious need of smoking a fatty or two themselves. Besides, when you consider the potential profit from concession sales, you'd think the park would want to encourage the munchies.
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From the 'things I don't care about' department: Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler has been confirmed by sources as the new judge on American Idol. Let me also confirm, in case there was any doubt, that my youth is officially over.
Enjoy your weekend.
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