There is this quirk in the Canadian vernacular that speaks volumes about (or aboot) this nation. It isn't something unique to Canada, but it is found universally from coast to coast to coast. Our standard greeting, in one form or another...
How are you?
How'r ya doin'?
How's it goin'?
Ça va?
It's fair to say that in most cases this greeting is spoken purely out of rote. In all honesty, we're probably not that concerned about the other person's welfare or state of mind, but we still ask the question. There have been times when I got a response I hadn't expected, like 'not so good.' Those are moments that stop you in your tracks.
Sometimes we come upon friends and colleagues who are struggling and need a sympathetic ear. Then there are those who spend much of their living days finding some negative, no matter how trivial, to bemoan aloud to the first available person. These are the people that suck the joy out of even the most joyous occasion by dredging up some news item, or health condition, or conflict, or any other buzz-killing story just to hear themselves talk. I've never quite understood this obsession with finding the worst in any given situation. Sure, we all need to be practical and keep ourselves grounded from time to time, but we also need to free ourselves from our often self-imposed regimens to dance like fools and throw our heads back and laugh. Let's face it, life would be dreadfully dull if we didn't.
We often forget just how blessed we are. When we're sick we suddenly begin to appreciate how great it was to be healthy. When we are faced with a career crisis we miss that once boring routine. When we lose somebody close to us we realize just how important they were in our lives. I don't mean this to be a downer, it's just one of those facts of life. As Joni Mitchell so eloquently put 'you don't know what you got 'til it's gone.' I would also add: enjoy the good times, don't squander them looking for the negative, it knows where you live.
The dilemma from all this is that we often find ourselves reticent to ask that all too common question for fear that the person might actually give us a sincere answer, and we won't like it.
Canada has a long-standing tradition of social welfare. There are many around the world, particularly our neighbours to the south, and more than a few here at home, that think this tradition has not served us well. They believe it has led to a bloated government bureaucracy and opened our borders to freeloaders from poorer countries bringing with them foreign conflicts which can ultimately compromise our national security. There is some truth to this which cannot be denied.
The notion of a government's role as an agent of social care is not something that was invented by politicians. In Canada, at least, it was not borne out of revolution. It is an ideal drawn from a population that recognizes that a nation becomes stronger through mutual respect and support for one another. While we might complain about high taxation, socialized medicine and employment protection rife with problems, we are also an embarrassingly rich nation compared to many others in the world. My paycheque for one day would eclipse the salary of a ponderous number of people in the developing world, and mine is fairly average.
The thing is, caring costs. Be it in time or money or emotion. It's more than a flippant 'how'r ya doin', it is a commitment. And yes, with that comes all those seeking to manipulate your kindness for their own benefit. As is often the case, they are the ones who become the biggest deterrent to our willingness to lend a hand. But if we let them dictate the terms of kindness and generosity then who really wins?
I think at the end of the day I'd rather ask the question and live with the consequences than to look myself in the mirror and admit I wasn't even willing to risk caring. So too, as a nation, despite everything that is not working in our social care network, there are millions upon millions of stories worth celebrating with pride.
Just because we had the audacity to ask 'How are you?'
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