Conquest of The Planet of The Friday Time Waster Supreme

For those of you eager to read my Homer Simpson blog, you'll have to wait until Monday. I ran out of time trying to compose the perfect prose. Actually, I just ran out of time because I have a job and school and a playoff hockey team distracting me. In the meantime, to whet your blogging appetite, yet another edition of the coveted and patently frivolous Friday Time Waster.


MoneySense Magazine recently published a list of the top places to live in Canada. Number one: Ottawa-Gatineau. The City of Laval came in at number 13 and way down the list, Montreal at 120. The magazine claims that its ratings criteria is based, among other things, on property values, access to public services, biking trails and tax rates. Evidently a soul-sucking lack of social life, a heavy concentration of strip malls and industrial parks are also important values.

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Tim Hortons should have a coffee-only line. I’m fed up standing in line behind pinheads who order a box of 24 individual flavours of muffins and 8 café mocka-frappa-frickin-chinos.

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So there's this guy in England, Chris Jackson, a man with an abundance of spare time, who registered his pet cat George as a certified hypnotherapist with three so-called industry bodies. Apparently he used a fake certificate from the Society of Certified Advanced Mind Therapists (or SCAMT). You'd think the paw-print signature would have been a dead give-away.

Come to think of it, if you've ever challenged a cat to a stare-out competition, it's easy to see why one would make a great hypnotherapist. Cure your smoking habit by introducing an insatiable appetite for tuna.

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The folks at Just for Laughs are not amused with Jerry Seinfeld. It seems the uber-successful standup comedian's world tour rolls into Salle Wilfred Pelletier, Place Des Arts a few weeks after the Just For Laughs festival wraps up in July. The organizers are concerned that Seinfeld's show, which is not affiliated with the comedy fest, will draw audiences away from the Just For Laughs gala. JFL played an important role in launching Seinfeld's career back in the early eighties. No word yet if the two parties have reconciled, but it sure sounds like Jerry is giving the Montreal comedy festival the "it's not you, it's me" speech.

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Bob Gainey's mission last off-season was clear: get bigger players. The result of his search: Brian Gionta, Scott Gomez and Michael Cammaleri, average height: about 5'7". Habs fans lamented the GM's decision to overhaul the team with smaller players. He sent Kovalev and Koivu packing, and failed to land an Olli Jokinen, Dion Phaneuf or Ilya Kovalchuk, all of whom play for teams that either failed to make, or are no longer in, the playoffs. When Gainey was thinking about size, who knew he meant heart?

Have a great weekend.

Go Habs, Go