Bagged again

I think I may have figured out how to solve the earth's current environmental crisis. Actually, it's not the earth's crisis. In the life of this giant blue rock humans are a mere pimple on the vast buttocks of time. I suspect the planet could care less if we made conditions here unliveable for ourselves.

Anyway, enough about the earth, back to me. So here's is the solution to one of the greatest challenges in modern human history. Are you ready?

We have to stop being stupid.

That's it, no need to thank me. Nobel prize people, you know where to find me.

What? You think that's an oversimplified answer? Well earth-hater, consider some of history's biggest environmental disasters. Chernobyl's exploding reactor, caused by a series of critically stupid decisions during a stupid 'safety test' overseen by stupid people. The Exxon Valdez, under the guidance of two stupid, sleepy seamen (stop giggling), who were apparently put in charge by Captain Morgan, allowing the ship's stupid autopilot to steer onto a stupid reef. Okay, that wasn't fair to the reef.

Anyone who is old enough to remember when the blue-box recycling program was introduced will know just how stupid we are. It took years to train our addled minds not to throw glass, plastic, paper and cardboard into the trash. Eventually we smartened up, but man, for a while there everytime we opened the trash lid with an empty tuna can in our hand we had to stop ourselves and say "ugh, what am I doing?"

Stupid.

Even now, as we have developed all manner of strategies for combatting waste, we still manage to snag stupidity from the jaws of intelligence.

Case in point, every time I get to the grocery store checkout line I realize for the gazillionth time that I forgot to bring my own bags. Then I'm faced with a serious dilemma. Do I abandon my cart, get in the car, drive home and retrieve one of the bags I bought the last time this happened to me? What if the emmissions from the trip become the greenhouse gases that tip the scale towards environmental armageddon? On the other hand, do I drive myself deeper in debt buying yet another 'green' shopping bag to add to the mountainous collection at home, that has thus far contributed nothing to the preservation of the earth? Or horror of horrors, do I pay the 35 cents for the evil, earth-consuming, blight of the environment: the plastic bag?

There I stand before my loaded cart, head held low in shame as the other earth-loving shoppers, their green bags proudly on display, look upon me with derision. Piously judging my callous and reckless disregard for future generations. So I buy another 'green' bag and pretend that was the plan all along. Or worse, I refuse the offer for any bags and proceed to balance the groceries in my arms as I trudge across a slushy parking lot looking at other shoppers with an expression that says "Hah, bags are for chumps."

Stupid.

True, but don't tell me it's never happened to you. I thought so. Here's hoping the atmosphere on earth will remain liveable long-enough for us to wise-up.

If things get really bad, I can always hide under a mountain of green bags. I just hope I can remember where they are.