Friday, October 15, 2010

The Friday Time Waster Supreme: Pigs and Petroleum Edition

It's the end of a short but full week. What better way to celebrate than a thorough waste of time. Heck, they pay Senators a blazillion dollars a year to do the same in Ottawa, no need to feel guilty. So get yourself a nice beverage, forward all your calls to the neighbouring cubicle and enjoy another fun-filled Friday Time Waster Supreme.


Add U.S. President Barack Obama to the long list of people the Conservatives blame for Canada losing its bid for a seat on the U.N. Security Council. There are grumblings among insiders that the Obama administration 'snubbed' Canada by not supporting their bid.

Other names on the blame list for the Tories include: Michael "Iggy" Ignatieff, China, the U.N. itself and those meddling kids from Scooby Doo.

***

Ya gotta love the petroleum industry. New national ads by the Canadian Association of Petroleum Producers (CAPP) help explain tailing ponds to Canadians. If you didn't know already, tailing ponds are massive reservoirs used to collect the liquids used in the extraction of oil from bitumen (or sand). The ads describe the liquid as being like yogurt. Sounds yummy. That is if you like the taste of naphthenic acid and alkyl-substituted polyaromatic hydrocarbon. Where's my fruit and granola?

The CAPP ads are part of a series of attempts to spin public opinion in favour of the industry's practices. Suncor Energy recently trumpeted the first ever reclamation of land from a tailing pond. About 220 hectares have been recovered from a site that has been a toxic swamp since 1967. There are currently about 50 square kilometres of tailing ponds in the oil sands region. It takes roughly 40 years before the land can even begin to be reclaimed. And they thought New Orleans was bad.

No word on the actual cost of the clean up, but something tells me it was a little pricier than a six pack of Activia.

***

Yet another sign that the end of civilization may have already happened, say hello to Delaware Senate Republican candidate Christine O'Donnell. The first sign that a candidate for U.S. public office is a bit cuckoo-bananas is an endorsement from the Tea Party movement. But C-O'D is in a league of her own. Among more notable head-scratchers were statements like: taking the Bible out of schools has resulted in an increase in school shootings, referring to "coededness" as a radical agenda forced upon college students, and who could forget informing the youth of America that masturbation is a form of adultery. 

Things took a serious turn for the weird when a tape recently surfaced of a 1999 episode of Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect in which she revealed once having dabbled in witchcraft.

In an attempt to do some damage control, O'Donnell appeared a new campaign ad this week that begins with the statement "I am not a witch. I am you."

I'm not a witch either, but I'm willing to try it if it keeps me from being anything like Chrissy-O.

Start digging your fallout shelters.

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And finally this little gem directly from Reuters:

Court officers in far eastern Russia have seized a piglet from a woman who owes a bank 13,000 roubles ($432) and put it up for sale to recuperate some of the money, according to the regional branch of the Federal Bailiffs Service said on Thursday.

To make it easier, just pick you own punchline:

A) Somebody must have squealed on her

B) So much for bringing home the bacon.

C) Piglets as equity? And we thought the U.S. banking system was a mess.

D) Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the bailiffs.

E) Piglet seized by bank, Pooh Bear unavailable for comment.


Enjoy your weekend.

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