You've probably been thinking 'Gee, I feel there is something missing in my life.' Well, ponder no more my blog-reading friend, I am here to fill the empty chasm in your life with yet another, long-anticipated, collection of literary schmaltz. Yes, it's the return of the Friday Time Waster just in time to bail you out from a deluge of tedium and futility. Note the heavy flooding metaphor, aren't I clever?
Awkward Moment of the Year. Australia's own version of The Next Top Model ironically got real ugly this week. The show's host, Sarah Murdoch, daughter-in-law of media emperor Rupert Murdoch, stood in front of an audience of 2000 people on live television and announced the wrong winner.
Photogenetically superior Kelsey Martinovich, a 19-year old from Sydney, was mistakenly crowned Australia's Next Top Model.
Martinovich had just completed her acceptance speech when Murdoch skulked back on stage to correct her error and reveal the real winner: bitter rival Amanda Ware, an 18-year-old from Gold Coast.
No word of a backstage lingerie-clad, super-model cat fight, but I'm sure all the male readers were thinking it.
It ain't all bad for Martinovich, she pockets $20, 000 (US) and an all-expense paid junket to New York City. All I ever got for coming in second was a cheap golf shirt and a stale beer.
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Osama Bin Laden recently crawled out of his cave to send a message to the world about, among other things, disaster relief in Pakistan. Bin Laden blamed the recent flooding in the region on climate change and called for a massive humanitarian effort to respond to the crisis. This from the guy who has killed thousands of innocent people and has left a trail of thick black smoke in his wake. Oh, silly me, death and environmental chaos is okay for the infidels.
Hey sport-coat, don't expect a call from the folks at Nobel anytime soon.
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The Commonwealth Games debacle in New Delhi, India has been all over the headlines in the past week or so. The entire affair has made life particularly bitter for citizens of Hamilton, Ontario. They lost the bid to host the games to New Delhi.
So if your a Hamiltonian you have to be feeling kinda lousy. First off, you can't even land a money-losing, crappy-ass NHL franchise despite the fact that the proposed owner had the cash and a stadium already built. Your CFL football team won't have a stadium after next year, and no one can agree on plans for a new one. Then you lose the Commonwealth games to a group that can't even build a footbridge, is housing the athletes in buildings where roaming packs of wild dogs can be found taking a dump on the beds and is built next to a river infested with mosquitos carrying dengue fever. Oh, and you also live in Hamilton, Ontario.
On the bright side, they've got a new slogan for the city: 'Well, at least it ain't New Delhi.'
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So evidently there was a UFO sighting over Cavendish Mall. Dr. Cleve Ziegler, an obstetrician-gynecologist at the Jewish General Hospital claims he saw strange glowing triangular shapes floating above the mall at about 1 AM, sometime around mid-week. The doctor had no explanation for the sighting, although one genius suggested it was a lighted kite that was being flown from the parking lot, at 1 AM, at Cavendish Mall ...because that happens all the time. I have to wonder about any extraterrestrial creature who picks Cavendish Mall as a location for first contact. Time to update the maps on their GPS
This story brought out a gaggle of weirdos in the news, including a group of retired US airmen who held a news conference in Washington, D.C. They claim, among other things, that aliens had already been to earth to disable nuclear warheads. When asked if he thought aliens existed (obviously by a reporter who showed up late) retired Air Force captain Robert Salas replied "I believe in the possibility." I sure as hell hope so, cause if they didn't disable the nukes, the only other explanation is roaming packs of wild Indian dogs. Check your beds.
Enjoy the weekend.
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