Harsh and Beautiful

The game of golf is simple. Take a little white ball, just over an inch and a half in diameter, and using various implements, put said ball into a four inch hole roughly four hundred yards away. Not complicated, right? Unless of course, one is required to do so by using their implements no more than four times. Well now, that's just flat-out impossible.

Only the Scottish could have invented such a game. I can say this because I am a purebred, Scotch-swilling, kilt-wearing, mutton pie-eating, stark raving mad Scot.

Scotland is a beautiful country, with rolling hills and picturesque countryside. A bright green jewel with magnificent shorelines, majestic ancient mountains and an abundance of natural diversity. It's also freakin' cold. The worst cold too, damp and rainy cold. Fortunately, my ancestors were a hardy bunch, staking out their claims on vast tracts of land for farming, raising sheep and of course fighting with one another almost constantly. The only thing that kept the country together was defending themselves against the English, who in those days were never content unless they were invading someone else's country. This might also explain why my ancestors put up with all that damp cold.

There is some debate about where golf was invented. That is to say there is some debate among people who are not Scottish and think it was invented by some other country. They're completely wrong of course, but they're free to debate amongst themselves whilst us Scots play a round at the Royal and Ancient St. Andrews, the oldest golf course in the world.

Anyhoo, I figure once the Scots discovered how golf is both addictive and infuriating, they concluded that there was no better revenge against the invading hoards than to infect them with the game. It must have worked, the English haven't invaded since, unless they finally realized the country was just too cold and damp to bother.

Like every other golf fanatic I am completely addicted to the game. Among those who refer to themselves as golfers, it's hard to find any who consider themselves casual players. At any given moment a golfer is either thinking about her or his next round, last round, and everything they need to do in order to improve in between.

If hockey is a game of inches, then golf is a game of millimetres. If you tweak your body in one direction or another during a golf swing, your ball is likely to spin off in some wild and unpredictable direction. Which is why no other sport in the world can match the game of golf when it comes to advice, tips and techniques. In fact the golf swing is among the most complex mental and physical balancing acts of any sport. For the average golfer, the game is sometimes more frustrating than satisfying.

So why the obsession? The best way to explain it to the uninitiated is to take them to a driving range. Give them some instruction on proper technique, and them let them swing away. Eventually they will hit one incredibly perfect shot. That's when the infection begins, and they will spend the rest of their living, breathing days trying to duplicate it.

For me, there are so many things that I love about the game. Golf courses are often surrounded by some of the most beautiful natural scenery. There is a certain serenity to a golf course on an early morning or at twilight. There is the fellowship among playing partners, laughing, commiserating, celebrating. With so many demands on our time today, such camaraderie is rare but so needed. There is the mental and physical challenge of the game. Calculating all of the variables: distance, wind speed and direction, where the ball lies, club selection and of course the mental fortitude to execute the shot when all factors have been considered.

Perhaps it is true that only the Scots could have invented such a game. Living in a land that is both harsh and beautiful, I can imagine few other games that capture these notions so perfectly.

Fore!